How many times have we fantasized of that shining, glorious, epic moment of reckoning when we finally face our ex, stare them right in the eyes, sit their ass down and sing "Not Big" to them in a kereoke bar?? HOW MANY TIMES, Readers!??! (I also dream of singing "Blue Sky" and having tears, but like, angry tears...rage tears). How often do we script and choreograph entire scenes wherein we play the role of Put-Together Fucking-Reasonable-Bitch and the ex plays the role of Asshole-Shitface Stupid-Talker and we meet, unexpectedly of course, in a public place (where you are with your extremely handsome gay friend who agrees to pretend you're dating for the moment because he hates that fucker as much as you do) and through a series of events (which are both unexplainable and completely sound) that end in either a glass of liquid or an open hand slap to his face, you are at long last vindicated? The hours I've spent daydreaming about what kind of havoc I would wreak on my ex's life (if only I were completely unhinged in the brain and was a borderline sociopath) are hours I'll never get back, nor would I want them back. They were hours well fucking spent. And that motherfucker deserved everything he got in the movie of my mind.
Has anyone in life ever really done this?? Readers? Have any of you ever truly fulfilled the ultimate fantasy of emoting at your ex in a way that's wildly inappropriate but also completely called for and justified? Do tell!!!