Waiting for a phone call or text message is just fucking, bar none, the worst thing in the world that could possibly ever happen to anyone. No exaggeration. Worse than zombies, hell fire, death, dismemberment, chimp attack, a broken penis, church, humiliation, ANYTHING! It's the worst of it all. It can lead to absolutely unmanageable nerves. Amiright? I have actually medicated myself to deal with the crushing anxiety of waiting for a call or text. Fact.
Now, in fairness, I should point out that sometimes a person refuses to text/call another person first on principle because they don't want to be the first to reach out. That's your own damn fault, because that's stupid. You're stupid. Just sext that ho.
But there are cases - and these are what I'm talking about today - where you're either waiting for a reply to your text or they've told you they'd call/text you so it would seem a little desperate/pushy if you preempted their text. If you're in this position, you have my deepest sympathies and respect. Since we are ALL in this position sometimes, I've come up with some things to do to fill in the slowly passing days and/or hours (it's probably only like 15 minutes, but time is no longer linear or logical when you're entrapped in the web of waiting).
Ideas:
1. Masturbate. Because why wouldn't you?
2. Visit Pinterest. It's a rabbit hole. Let it envelope you.
3. Google "upcyclying", "DIY' or just visit ApartmentTherapy.com.
4. 3 words: Lifetime. Movie. Network.
5. Text your friends and get into full conversations with them. This is one of my favorites. You can include complaining about waiting for this text in your conversation. Or not!
6. ICanHasCheezburger.com
7. ButYoureLikeReallyPretty.com
8. Start drinking.
9. Masturbate. Again? Sure! Fuck it.
10. Make drawings. Interpretive drawings of your feelings.
11. Call your mom and speak in a dialect the whole time. NEVER RELENT! That's part of the fun.
12. Call your sister or brother. There's that done for the month.
13. Go get a manicure. Bitch, you got your own thang!
14. Take a Xanax.
15. Take a Vicodin (but only if you skipped options #14 and #8).
16. Do drag makeup on yourself. Full on.
17. Wash that off and now see if you can do it with no mirror. Video or it didn't happen.
18. Go for a jog. But take your phone! There is nothing worse than doing the jog and coming back thinking, "Oh surely it's been long enough now and I've been so healthy, I'll surely be rewarded by the universe with a text," and then you have 0 new message. Take it with you. Expectations - managed.
19. Take a walk so you can update your fucking Instagram with some badass "photography" and make yourself look like you're really getting out there and experiencing the world. Super busy and shit.
20. Masturbate. I mean, at this point, that's all the action you're getting. Clearly this person is not going to text you.
Now, in fairness, I should point out that sometimes a person refuses to text/call another person first on principle because they don't want to be the first to reach out. That's your own damn fault, because that's stupid. You're stupid. Just sext that ho.
But there are cases - and these are what I'm talking about today - where you're either waiting for a reply to your text or they've told you they'd call/text you so it would seem a little desperate/pushy if you preempted their text. If you're in this position, you have my deepest sympathies and respect. Since we are ALL in this position sometimes, I've come up with some things to do to fill in the slowly passing days and/or hours (it's probably only like 15 minutes, but time is no longer linear or logical when you're entrapped in the web of waiting).
Ideas:
1. Masturbate. Because why wouldn't you?
2. Visit Pinterest. It's a rabbit hole. Let it envelope you.
3. Google "upcyclying", "DIY' or just visit ApartmentTherapy.com.
4. 3 words: Lifetime. Movie. Network.
5. Text your friends and get into full conversations with them. This is one of my favorites. You can include complaining about waiting for this text in your conversation. Or not!
6. ICanHasCheezburger.com
7. ButYoureLikeReallyPretty.com
8. Start drinking.
9. Masturbate. Again? Sure! Fuck it.
10. Make drawings. Interpretive drawings of your feelings.
11. Call your mom and speak in a dialect the whole time. NEVER RELENT! That's part of the fun.
12. Call your sister or brother. There's that done for the month.
13. Go get a manicure. Bitch, you got your own thang!
14. Take a Xanax.
15. Take a Vicodin (but only if you skipped options #14 and #8).
16. Do drag makeup on yourself. Full on.
17. Wash that off and now see if you can do it with no mirror. Video or it didn't happen.
18. Go for a jog. But take your phone! There is nothing worse than doing the jog and coming back thinking, "Oh surely it's been long enough now and I've been so healthy, I'll surely be rewarded by the universe with a text," and then you have 0 new message. Take it with you. Expectations - managed.
19. Take a walk so you can update your fucking Instagram with some badass "photography" and make yourself look like you're really getting out there and experiencing the world. Super busy and shit.
20. Masturbate. I mean, at this point, that's all the action you're getting. Clearly this person is not going to text you.
Posted by Havilah
