First of all, Dear Readers, thank you for the standing ovation. I am happy to be back. Please be seated.
I'll wait.
Now to the point:
Dudes, if you're into a bitch, you need to woo that bitch. We live in the year two thousand and thirteen, yes. And women have the vote, yes. And gays are getting divorced and the President is mostly black. But some things do not change, Readers! A bitch needs WOOED!
I am not down with this new thing of being "cool" about shit like this. Be a man! If you're into someone - and I don't care if your married for 77 years or just met at an opium den last night (fucking weirdo) - you need to send some fucking flowers. Or a note. Or a text that says something stupid and genuine. Take that bitch out on a goddamn date. WHAT HAPPENED TO DATES?!?! Like, "Hi, we met an an opium den and did sex to each other an hour later. Okaybye." NO! Take that bitch on a mother fucking date you worthless slore! Leave a damn note in her handbag that says, "I think you're great", (but not money, because that's for hookers and sends the REALLY wrong message).
Point being, stop trying to be cool by being aloof and detached. Be cool by being confident and a little bit forward and doing things that make the object of your affection feel like the fucking object of your affection. Otherwise, I'm assuming you're not into me. As for me, there is no faster or easier way to make me hit the road in a fast car than to make me think you're not into me.
Send flowers, guys. Send a note. It's only right.
Don't be a fucking asshole.
I'll wait.
Now to the point:
Dudes, if you're into a bitch, you need to woo that bitch. We live in the year two thousand and thirteen, yes. And women have the vote, yes. And gays are getting divorced and the President is mostly black. But some things do not change, Readers! A bitch needs WOOED!
I am not down with this new thing of being "cool" about shit like this. Be a man! If you're into someone - and I don't care if your married for 77 years or just met at an opium den last night (fucking weirdo) - you need to send some fucking flowers. Or a note. Or a text that says something stupid and genuine. Take that bitch out on a goddamn date. WHAT HAPPENED TO DATES?!?! Like, "Hi, we met an an opium den and did sex to each other an hour later. Okaybye." NO! Take that bitch on a mother fucking date you worthless slore! Leave a damn note in her handbag that says, "I think you're great", (but not money, because that's for hookers and sends the REALLY wrong message).
Point being, stop trying to be cool by being aloof and detached. Be cool by being confident and a little bit forward and doing things that make the object of your affection feel like the fucking object of your affection. Otherwise, I'm assuming you're not into me. As for me, there is no faster or easier way to make me hit the road in a fast car than to make me think you're not into me.
Send flowers, guys. Send a note. It's only right.
Don't be a fucking asshole.
Posted by Havilah
