Our Lady of Everything, Hillary Rodham Clinton, made her "No I Won't 2016" campaign slogan official today when she told an Indian town hall meeting she would not be running for president in 2016. Or ever.

Men and women dropped to their needs pleading for a change of heart, the elderly were seen beating their chests and pulling their hair, children were weeping in the streets crying out, "It can't be true!"

No, none of that happened, but it should have!

Hillary said, "I feel like it’s time for me to step off the high wire. I’ve been involved at the highest level of American politics for 20 years now. I’d like to come back to India and just wander around without having the streets be closed and a lot of security around." I think it's cute that Hillary thinks that's how her life will be when she leaves politics. Dream the impossible dream, Hillary. Dream the shit out of it.

Just so I'm on record, I want you to be my president. That's my impossible dream, Hillary. Maybe someday I'll stop dreaming it. But today is not that day.

Posted by Havilah

"45 Totally Superficial Reasons Why Hillary Clinton Should Run For President In 2016" is my favorite thing of the day. And that's even over this little gem.

These reasons may be hilarious and superficial, but they are also awesome and I would totally vote for her based on only them and the fact that she is the best of anything or anyone ever.

LONG LIVE HILLARY, QUEEN OF THE WORLD!

Posted by Havilah

Yesterday I shared with you, my Dear Readers, this uh-mazing photo of My Girl, Hillary C-word (Clinton! you slut-for-brains). Since my blog is pretty much always trending and shit and everyone reads it then shares it and tweets about and and so on, these guys, Stacy Lambe and Adam Smith, obviously saw my blog post and decided to base a whole meme on that shit. And it is HILL-arious. Or HILLARY-ous. Or just fucking balls to the wall funny as shit. It's my new favorite place to hang out while I'm on my break  (and I'm pretty much always on a break) and I almost called in sick so I could stay home and look at it (but then I thought of you, Reader, you specifically, and I knew I couldn't let you down).





Here are some of my personal favorites:

Posted by Havilah

This picture was taken by Diana Walker for TIME in 2011, but I was just reminded of it. This bitch is not only the top 5 spots on my Moon Goddess list but I've been doing a lot of research and as it turns out she actually rocks my world in her loving arms on a daily basis.

I mean, look at this eleganza!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's everything, Readers. Name something. Anything. She is either it, or she has defeated it.

Soak it in.

Posted by Havilah

If you follow celebrity gossip (and you fucking know you do, don't lie), you know that Jon Hamm and Kim Kardashian have been in a bit of a word battle (via Twitter and interviews, natch) and, believe it or not, Kim has come out actually looking like the smarter and all around better person (and I'm not just saying that because of my personal love for her). I take pretty massive issue with actors (fucking actors) who feel the need to make negative, disparaging and disgusting statements about reality TV stars (since when is it cool to call someone "a fucking idiot"? Unless you're me, of course). Here's why: what the fuck do these actors think they're doing that makes them so much fucking better than KiKi (that's what Mason and I call Kim K.)? They fucking play pretend and some of them (the ones you hear about) get grossly overpaid for it. Do they really fucking believe that KiKi just fucks around all day doing "stupid" shit and getting her nails done and is able to maintain what's quickly becoming a fucking empire? Um, I doubt it, bitches. And is what these actors do really so fucking beneficial to society? My main point is that fucking actors have egos the size of the fucking universe and it makes me want to do violence against them when they A) consider themselves in a position to talk shit about pretty much anyone (again, my job) and B) think so highly of what they do (again, they play fucking pretend) that they never stop to think, "Oh yeah, I guess I'm pretty much not doing anything real and/or impactful and it's pretty badass that I'm getting paid to do it. I should be cool with that and be nice to my peers." Yes, KiKi is your peer, Jon Hamm, fucking deal with that.

And that is a really long winded introduction to this video which made me cry. You may already know (if you are a regular Reader, you do) that I am obsessed with Hillary Clinton (as well as KiKi - the irony, I know). This video of Meryl Streep introducing Hillary at the Women In The World Conference is pretty fucking stunning. I don't want to name any favorite parts, because I kind of love it all equally. But I do particularly dig the fact that Meryl humbly recognizes that she is an actor and Hillary is "the real deal". This is exactly what I'm talking about! Meryl is awesome. I salute her (and KiKi).

Posted by Havilah

Posted by The Team

It is my great honor and privilege to announce today's Daily Duo is none other than the most American of all couples and also the most badass.  She is the Madame President of my world, she's forgotten more about everything than anyone else in the world has ever known, and she's married to the most bizarrely-sexy former Leader of the Free World - Hillary Rodham and Bill Clinton are today's Daily Duo, readers!  Go ahead and cheer.  I'll wait.

These two lovebirds were married on October 11, 1975 in Arkansas (where Hillary moved to be with her cheatin'-ass beau).  They had their one and only daughter, Chelsea, in 1980.  She would grow into the most unfortunate-looking adolescent ever to grace The World's Stage (but later a super-smart, successful and gorgeous woman who's wedding was more talked about [in the US] than that of the Royals).  Billary's relationship faced the chopping block in 1998 when Bill dared to throw shade and disrespect to the Leader of the Everything (Hillary) by doing nasty things with an intern and a cigar.  But Hillary stared adversity in the face and said, "You shall not pass!!!!"

Hillary has been, among other things, the First Lady of Arkansas, the First Lady of The United States and the First Lady of My Life.  Bill has been along for that ride and has been a very debonair, sexy and (most of the time) supportive silver fox of a partner to her. 

I fucking salute you both (but Hillary more) every day I wake up and every night before I go to bed I say my prayers:
Dear Hillary (and sometimes Bill),  Please keep me safe and protect me from evil (including my own awful self).  Guide me in my journey through this wretched life and please tell Chelsea I would totally be her best friend if she wanted that.  Amen.

SPECIAL SALUTE/PRIZE!!!  Today's Daily Duo is winning a brand new salute/award from YIGTBAT!!  They are the forever Ultimate Most Powerful Duo Ever!!!  Congratulations to them.  Send them fruit baskets and flowers, readers.

Posted by Havilah