IT'S PRIDE WEEK, Y'ALL!!!! Welcome to it!

I know your gay-loving ass has no fucking plans tonight so don't sit there acting like you're all "proud" and shit. So let's remedy that. Here's what you're doing tonight:

JWT (an NYC ad agency bursting with pride) is hosting a pretty stellar evening of gayness and pride tonight and you're going. It starts at 6 with a bunch of married LGBT couples talking about the fact that just because they got married doesn't mean they aren't still pretty much sub-citizens and we have a fucking lot of work yet to do. Then, they're lightening up the mood with a rousing game of DRAG BINGO!!!! Reader, you know how I love drag queens. Add in BINGO and I'm fucking sold!

Oh, and there will be rainbow cupcakes.

Oh, and I will be there.

Oh, and they'll have pigs-in-a-blanket!

Oh, and Sonja Morgan tweeted about it! Which, let's be honest, is pretty much the main reason I'm going.

Oh, and I'm going downtown to Stonewall (where Pride began) afterward for MORE DRAG! Paige Turner is hosting her awesome Playhouse and my girl Kittin Whithawhip will be a guest!

Posted by Havilah

The news today (and the past few days) is like...insanely scary and upsetting. Like I've actually sat on my couch and honestly considered the questions,"Am I prepared for the zombie apocalypse? Do I have what it takes to fight and/or befriend vampires? Am I emotionally ready for a Bravo reality show featuring actual human monsters trying to live a normal life and the merry mixups that ensue?" In light of this, I have been scouring the newspapers (the internet) in search of any story, any story at all that seems even remotely happy. Here's what I found (and wait for it, it's not entirely happy) --

After what seems like a decade (since January 2011) Utah County, Utah has finally dropped their investigation against Kody Brown and his four wives. The polygamists are officially no longer being investigated for being polygamists (though, let the record show, they are still polygamists). As you know, because you are an avid follower of TLC's Sister Wives, Kody, his four wives and their 16 children (16?! Yes, 16) all moved to Las Vegas last season when their beloved home of Lehi, Utah launched a bigamy investigation against them. The Browns countered with a law suit against the county claiming Utah's bigamy statute violated their constitutional rights to due process, equal protection, free exercise of religion, free speech and freedom of association. Utah is now kinda like "meh" about their whole bigamy law and is saying, basically, "As long as no one's getting hurt, we're cool with it. Would you please stop suing us now?"

Happy news for the Browns. But bittersweet news for the rest of us. I'm glad for them, I guess. But this clearly means we won't be getting the courtroom drama on Sister Wives that we were expecting. I kind of felt like I was owed that since it's the only reason I was watching. That show is, let's just admit it, so fucking boring I'd rather watch a financial news ticker for an hour once a week. This just put the nail in the coffin of Sister Wives. Sorry. But watch. It's true.

Posted by Havilah

In sad news, Chris Harrison has officially not given a rose to his wife of 19 years, meaning they are splitsville. Damn.

If you don't know who THE Chris Harrison is, why are you reading my blog? I mean, really.

But in potentially happy news, does this mean we are in for the greatest season of The Bachelor ever in the history of god and/or television??!?!? LET IT BE SO!

Could you imagine Chris being the bachelor? I'd die. I would DIE!

Posted by Havilah

Brandi Glanville will not - repeat, will NOT - be replacing Our Lady of Divorce Settlements (Camille Grammar) on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!
"Heaven
I'm in heaven
And my hear beats
So that I can hardly speak"
I haven't been this happy since like 10 minutes ago when I read that Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan might be back together. I hate Brandi! I love Camille. But more than that I hate Brandi. So when I heard she'd be the one replacing Camille (instead of the amazing picture of humility, Dana Wilkey) I was crushed. But it's okay, because now she's been re-demoted back to just a shenanigan! YAAAAYYYYYYY!

Apparently her ex-husband and father of her children (and current husband to Leann "No, Really, I Don't Like Attention" Rhymes) said "NAY!" to having their children as regulars on the show and this caused Bravo to send Brandi back to the backseat where she belongs.

So far, no word on who'll be the replacement wife, but PLEASE let it be Dana! That crazy bitch is SO good for a laugh.

Posted by Havilah

Fox has come up with some dating show brilliance (not really) with their newest brainchild, The Choice, making its debut next month. The show will feature four "celebrities" (set your hope meters at like a 2 for this one - think Celebrity Wife Swap celebrities, not actual celebrities) who will choose a norm date based solely on that norm's description of him/herself.

The show sounds fucking stupid as shit and I can't wait to see it.


Posted by Havilah

Lisa Vanderpump, the shiniest star of Bravo's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (and that's official now that Bravo told Camille they were lying when they said, "I love you", bless her heart), is going to glamorize even more of our lives now with her new, very own spinoff show on Bravo (working title, SUR)!!!!!!!!!!!! This is almost better news than when Betheny Frankel's show was announced (even though she's grown tiresome to me now). When I heard Kim Zolciak (of the Atlanta Housewives) was getting her own show I was on the phone to What What Happen Live! that whole night trying to voice my complaint. Kandi Burress (also of Atlanta) is getting her own show and I adore her, but her special, "The Kandi Factory" (from whence the show was inspired) was just 'meh'. So, after those shows and the recent dismissal of Camille Grammar, the news of Lisa's show comes at a time when my faith in Bravo was wavering. I'm glad they ready my blog. They should be glad too.

The show will focus on Lisa V. (and Ken and Giggy, natch) running shit at her newest restaurant, SUR (Sexy Unique Restaurant). We got to see her buy, renovate and open the restaurant last season on RHBH. The idea of Lisa "working" is distasteful to me, but I trust she'll make it look like some shit the Queen herself isn't good enough to touch. I mean, just look at this cast/promo photo/restaurant webiste! Just look, Readers! Let your eyes feast upon all of it.

Basically I can't wait.

Oh, best part: she'll also be on the Housewives, as always. So it's do

Posted by Havilah

"...may you ever live in our hearts.
You were the grace that placed yourself
Where lives were torn apart (by Kayte Walsh)."

Let us all bow our heads for a moment of silent reflection over the loss of a (sort of) Real Housewife of Beverly Hills. I mean, she's not dead! Oh my god, I'm just realizing it totally sounds like she's dead. No, she's totally still alive. But she's dead to Bravo who recently announced they have cut her from the RHBH roster for next season. Not cool, Bravo. I still love you, but this is not something our relationship is going to just bounce back from.

During her two season tour de force on the show, Camille Grammer held our hands through her initial blitzkrieg in season 1 right into her Zen Master Flash performance of season 2. Camille will always be remembered in my heart for all her many and sundry shenanigans, but mostly for 1. bringing the cunk upon, have fun upon, up in this dancery, 2. her apparent disconnect from the fiscal reality of the rest of the world and (most importantly) 3. her generosity in introducing the world to this.

Rumor has it Bravo ousted our elegant flower because she wasn't serving enough cray cray. Bravo and Camille are saying they couldn't come to an understanding but Camille says she did not want to leave and if given the chance she would do another season. So...

"And your footsteps will always fall here
Along [Beverly Hills]'s greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend ever will..."

Posted by Havilah

Nikki K., our most favorite quitter in the world, has now nearly survived her 5 day sensory deprivation and is ready to begin shooting the first episode. Before she can leave her hotel room (where she’s no doubt made good friends with the paintings, the sink and the wallpaper pattern) production members stop by to hear what her big intro line is. Nikki K. had decided to go casual/organic/normal and simply introduce herself to The Bachelor and see where that goes. Well, “normal” is one thing The Bachelor does not do well. So, naturally, the producers said, “That’s cute, but no, here’s what you’re going to say,” and proceeded to hand her a prop specific to her hometown (they’d obviously come prepared for her to come up with some normal introduction) and told her that what she’d do was go ahead and shove that in his mouth with her finger (not making this up) and then deliver a more-than-a-little-bit-suggestive line about how he should find her later so she could also shove her tongue in his mouth (truth). Wow.

So, Nikki K. was then (finally) released from her chamber to go to hair and makeup in preparation for the big first shoot that evening (the season premiere episode) and to film her I’m-just-a-regular-girl background video. Readers, remember how in the first episode you see select girls in their hometowns talking about their lives and how ready they are to find “true love”? Well, surprise of all surprises they’re all in SoCal, in the back parking lot of a hotel, in front of a backdrop. So low rent, Readers. So low rent.

It was during the filming of her “I’m just a girl, standing in front a boy, asking him to love her,” background video that our girl Nikki K. took the final straw they delivered and used it to snort a line of “fuck you, I’m going home”. She started telling her story when the production crew said, once again, “That’s cute, but no, here’s what you’re going to say,” and then proceeded to fill her in on how she was actually brought up, by whom, where and when; how she feels about it all; and they also let her know what kind of “character” she’d be playing in this season. Most of that didn’t seem terrifically out of the norm to her (I mean, she’d just been in a sensory deprivation tank for 5 days, so she was pretty much just happy to see the sun and have someone talk to her). What struck her as odd (and eventually unacceptable) was that they actually did have certain aspects of her life correct. Extremely personal and private aspects of her life. Aspects of her life which had happened when she was a baby and which she, in fact, had never once even mentioned to anyone (not even the shrink conducting her phsych exam) involved with the show. The information was not readily available without doing some CIA style probing into someone’s life (and Nikki K. was born outside the US, so finding this information took some fucking effort). It was at this point that Nikki K. blinked at them a lot, slapped her own face and woke up from the daze they’d had her under (which was probably drug induced, wouldn’t surprise me) and said, “No, seriously, fuck you I’m going home, get me a fucking car and a flight.”

The producers begged her to stay on the show by making promises (yes, promises) she’d be in the top 5 contestants (among other things). Sooo…that show’s not rigged at all. They got to looking like really sad, desperate boys who’ve just been broken up with by the super hot girl who never really liked them that much to begin with. She totally flipped her hair in their face and said, “Seriously, you look really stupid. Also, I hate you. And please stop texting me, it's creepy.”

Posted by Havilah

This Jesus lover, Guera Maurice, is also a lover of The Bachelor (duh). She was watching the other day and thank God for that (literally) because the risen Jesus came to her via a reflection on a contestant on The Bachelor via her camera phone via God's love (aka: magic). See her amazing story in the video below.

"Proceeds raised"? Proceeds raised. Um.

But the best part: "And she said to me, 'Guera, you crazy.' " at :45. Her version of her sister is so matter of fact about it. I really hope she was that serious when she said it, like, grabbing her shoulders and saying, "Guera, look at me, girl. You crazy. No, but, you crazy."

Posted by Havilah

Willam - skinny, gorgeous, meh Willam - was very ceremoniously asked to sachet away from RuPaul's Drag Race last night. Not a big deal, happens every week. But wait! There's more.

Willam started off the proceedings by winning the competition, therefore securing her spot until the next competition. She then proceeded to vom all over the side of the stage. Ew. But she did. But ew.

Then, RuPaul pulled a pretty big WTF?! out of her wig and said, "Willam, will you please step forward?" She then slapped him in the face with the you-been-breakin'-rules-and-that-shit-won't-stand stick. Apparently Willam had violated the contract and was therefore eliminated. No one's saying what she did until the reunion show. Smart.

Theories currently in circulation are that she was wearing designer clothes she'd purchased during filming (nono), she was spilling the show's T all over her blog and/or she's addicted to Adderall/bulemia/hormones (nono). I personally believe RuPaul has rules about beautiful queens vomiting in front of people and this bitch violated that shit.

Posted by Havilah