This bitch -  who shall remain nameless after remaining nameless in the first article then having to have her nameless name changed due to a backlash of what-the-fuck-I've-been-dupedery -  has been working the classy side of the ho stroll from an angle I can appreciate.  This lady hasn't paid for a burger or a beer or anything of that nature (food) since she started dating on Match.com.  I won't say it hasn't crossed my mind that I could significantly add money to my ice cream fund by subtracting money from my "real food" fund, but I've never gotten this advanced. 

This nameless hustler was making an average of $1,200/ MONTH by letting her Match.com pay for her tab whenever they went out.  She had a 5 date limit per customer, that way she didn't feel too whoreish and the men wouldn't feel too much like raping or proposing to her.  She was going out on dates 5 nights a week and all but cut out her food budget entirely.  She then got her roommate involved (she was probably late on rent a lot) and the two made - I shit you negative - a fucking spreadsheet of the men they dated in order to avoid any potential overlapping snafus.  Genius!  Evil genius.  I wouldn't make a spreadsheet if a spreadsheet was going to get me married and/or laid on the reg.  These bitches are dedicated.  I salute them.

Posted by Havilah

Profile:  Kind of a romantic guy over 30...but not-so-smart. 

Datability:  He gets a 7 out of 10 (with 10 being the man you dreamed about [in a good way] after you left this place and 1 being the sloppy grossness you actually slept with after you left this place because you were too wasted to know better).

Recommendation:  Go for it.  You're single and ready to mingle, so why not?  He's a nice guy and he'd treat you well.  His stupidity might eventually be a deal breaker, but I bet you'd get a good run in before that happened.

Posted by Havilah

Buttercup and Westley (aka The Princess Bride and The Farm Boy) were voted today's Daily Duo and I couldn't agree more.  If you haven't seen The Princess Bride, stop reading this blog and do not return until you have.  These two met as children and the dashing Westley was but a mere farm boy and Buttercup was but a little, demanding bitch.  When Buttercup is kidnapped from her very own "MAWWAGE", Westley makes chase and the merry mixups ensue.  It's true love.  End of story.  Congratulations to the happy couple.


Posted by Havilah

In a truly sad-and-pouty-kid-who-gets-picked-on move, Daniel Craig lashed out at the Kardashians using fodder from his Cannon of Things That Don't Make Much Sense But Make Me Sound Smug Slash Better Than You.  In an interview with GQ, this fool said, in reference to the Kardashians, "It is a career; I'm not being cynical. And why wouldn't you? Look at the Kardashians, they're worth millions. Millions! I don't think they were that badly off to begin with, but now look at them. You see that and you think, 'What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f*cking idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?"  Nice talk, you filthy, limey (shut up, I love British people, just not this one), angry little man.  And by the way, yes, duh, that's exactly what we think.  What's so wrong with that?  What do you do that's so special you should make millions doing it?  Hm?  What's that?  Oh, you're an actor?  Case.  Fucking.  Closed.  Mr. Grumpy Shorts then said, and this is where it gets good (stupid), "You can't buy your privacy back. 'Ooh, I want to be alone.'  F*ck you. We've been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta, and now you want some privacy?"  Well, I would love for Dan Dan the Pissed Off Man to show me when and where the Kardashians ever asked for privacy.  You're making shit up at this point, Bond, James Bond.  You're just chucking bullshit around and hoping someone'll eat it 'cause you're so fancy-looking.  Nobody wants it.  Shaken or stirred.

In more important news, YES!  Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant! 

Posted by Havilah

So here is the latest gem in reality TV's sparkling crown - "Virgin Diaries".  The show will follow several virgins (some by choice, some "not entirely by choice") through their lives.  I salute the producers of this mess for taking on the challenge of making these sexless lives interesting to watch.  Although, it will be slightly circus-freaky.  One need only take a gander at the fucked up kissing seen on their previews (below) to know this fuckery could get crazy quick.  But Readers, I warn you, watch the clip before setting your DVR to record this shit.  It looks to me like this is not for the faint of heart.

Posted by Havilah

You're welcome, Readers!  It's time, yet again, for another lesson in stalking:

Google image search using an image to conduct the search!!!!!!!!!!  "What's this mean, Havilah?" you may be asking, "And how could this ever pertain to my single ass trying to book a date?"  Here's how:

Say you're on an online dating site (and if you're ready to mingle then you'd better be or else your loneliness is not listening to a damn thing I've said) and you have engaged with someone but you'd like to know a little more before actually meeting them (and who doesn't?).  Just follow these easy steps (below) and you can do a Google search based on their photos, y'all!!  I have tried this and it's brilliant.  I've found Facebook pages (complete with name, location, age, friends, wall posts, bday, etc.), websites (some weirder than others), blogs (some better than others) and some deal breakers left unmentioned on the dating profile (sorry, but I cannot date a man whose favorite movie is "Vanilla Sky").  Here's what you do:

1.  Find the photo you'd like to search.
2.  Get a URL link to the photo by opening it in another page (click "View Image" or "View In A New Tab" or that equivalent).
3.  Copy and past the URL for the image into a Google search.
4.  Google will give you an option to "Search By Image", click that option.
5.  Commence stalking. 

If you have no luck, which happens, try a different photo.  If you find nothing after a few tries, that person is probably pretty off the radar worldwide-webbly speaking.  So you need to decide if you're okay with that.  Happy stalking!

Posted by Havilah

My many and sundry (mostly likely none) gay Readers will be tres familiar with the Grindr app, which gets gays doing it with other gays in a matter of minutes by connecting them with nearby gays.  Well, the creators of Grindr have just launched their straight-friendly version, Blendr!  I went to a march in Washington, D.C. for this shit, so I, for one, am thrilled. 

Blendr (as well as Grindr) is a "geosocial" site, connecting people by geographic proximity to each other.  This is an app for your smartphone, so if you don't have one....you're hopeless, leave this blog and don't come back until you do.

Blendr uses common interests, geography, photos and magic to make matches.  This app updates in real time, too.  So you can be walking from the café to the chocolatier ('cause you're a classy bitch) and find someone new at each location and between!

OKCupid also has a geosocial app (OKCupid Locals) and HowAboutWe has one that's pretty popular, apparently.

Posted by Havilah

So, Ryan found out that his girlfriend Rossie was a cheatin' ass ho bag and had been doing the nasty baby-making dance with his best friend.  Well, that was bound to end badly.  Instead, it ended like this:

Tattoo artist Ryan Fitzgerald spent several hours getting sweet, sweet, satisfying revenge on his (now former) girlfriend Rossie Brovent by giving her the gift that keeps on giving.  A big, steaming pile of shit tattooed to her back.  Tattooed, y'all.  That shit's forever (or for-untilyourasscanaffordlaserremoval).  She was under the impression Ryno (that's what she called him) (no it's not) was going to do an epic landscape of the magical land of Narnia on her back.  She was wrong.  Unfortunately for her, Ryan (in a stroke of genius) got her wasted and then made her sign a contract stating that she understood the design would be at "the artist's discretion".  BLAM, Rossie!!!! 

Well, she's suing his ass for $100,000 anyway.  We'll just see what Judge Judy has to say about all this.  Personally, I think she might rule in favor of Ryan just to teach Rossie that getting a tattoo of Narnia tattooed over your entire back is fucking stupid.

Posted by Havilah

These two.  I could almost just name them The Daily Duo sans comment. 

But I won't.

Okay, these two love birds were married on March 16 of 2002.  It only took a year for Liza to school David's slightly effeminate ass on who's the head bitch in charge of that relationship (and the world?) and they separated in 2003 after David claimed that Liza hit like a girl.  For reasons that can only be attributed to undying (or slow-dying, anyway) love, they remained married until 2007.  So, basically Liza loved the fuck out of David, she just had a funny way of showing it.  But what did he expect?!  She has a funny way of doing absolutely everything!!!  Bitch is a fucking riot from start to finish and I fully salute her. 

Sometimes, when I look at my List of Moon Goddesses (ie, Bette Midler and Liza) and the fact that I have a List of Moon Goddesses, I think I might actually be a gay man.   I'll ask David what he thinks someday.  It might be like looking in a mirror for him.

Posted by Havilah

Profile:  24 year old recent college graduate with her shit together except she has yet to find a job.  But whatever, she's young.

Datability:  She gets a big ol' 8 out of 10 (with 10 being your future wife and 1 being a fetus in a trashcan).

Recommendation:  Email her!  You probably won't do any better!  Yes, she might break up with you once she realizes she's too good for you, but you'll have had a really great run in the meantime.  And who knows, she may go ahead and settle.  Go for it!  She's a good one.

Posted by Havilah