Beth Hoyt is hosting the new LIVE show, "My Damn Channel LIVE", weekdays at 4pm and that shit's hilarious.  Beth's show will showcase comic internet videos and web serieses (I know, but the word should be "serieses") and Beth will interview celebrities, Suri Cruises, internet sensations, Octomoms, comics, walruses, herself and much much more! I love this show and you should too. But don't watch on Thursdays 'cause some other bitch is hosting on Thursdays (yes, I realize my timing is off, just fucking wait until tomorrow, Reader). Today at 4pm you should play the below video of yesterday's show and then tomorrow you should watch Beth do it LIVE! I'll let you decide what "it" is, you filthy prostislut.

Visit My Damn Channel to see the show. Ugh, I guess this nobody hosting tonight might not be totally heinous. But I don't like change.

Posted by Havilah

Gawker (via "The New York Times" - said as though it's something you just said to me and my only defense is to say it back to you but in a mocking tone) hilariously reports that Jeff Koons (famous for his giant shiny balloon animals) is in talks with Friends of the Highline to do a sculpture for the park. That sounds neat because his stuff is usually pretty cool to look at and non-life-threatening. But he wants to change some shit up with this project by creating a full-sized replica of a 1943 Baldwin 2900 steam locomotive. Then he wants to fucking dangle that shit (several tons of steel and carbon fiber) precariously over your head (if you're standing on the walkway of the Highline) by a crane. And voila! Art!

Listen, I get that artists don't like for their shit to be "safe" and RuPaul considers "safe" to be a dirty word, but come on!!

Koons says, "The power and the dynamic of the ‘Train' represents the ephemeral energy that runs through the city every day." I'm with Gawker when they say that "Train" could also be said to represent a fucking train. And I also believe (strongly) that trains were not ever ever ever meant to be suspended in mid-air above my fucking head.

Also, this particular train, unlike most, is going to cost $25 million and that's just fucking absurd. There are lots of out-of-work trains looking for a job, Readers. And in this economy...

Posted by Havilah

Mike O'Brien has started a new web interview series called "7 Minutes In Heaven" and I'm kind of in love with it. The Ellen DeGeneres interview below is among my favorites. This dude interviewed Insane Clown Posse, though, in a tiny closet - I meeeean, that's awesome. And all the interviews end, in the tradition of the show's namesake, with a kiss.

Go watch them, Readers. Go watch them all. And laaaaaugh and laugh.

Posted by Havilah

Do you have single friends who tell you they think looks don't matter? I didn't think you did. Because those people are liars and I know you aren't friends with liars, Dear Reader. You're smarter than that.

The app developers Inertia, LLC have released a new dating app called Blind Fate. The app was launched at the beginning of this month and already boasts 2K users.

Here's how it works: it's a free app (only to the first 5K people, though, so get on on that!). Once you open the app you'll enter your name, age, gender, height, and some other shit. Then you use your finger to move a pink dot (if you're a girl) through a sea of blue dots (if you're into boys) and the app chooses one based on the way you interact with the user interface (I'm fairly convinced it's random and the "user interface" bullshit is just lies. Once your pink/blue dot has been selected you are given the option to chat with that dot (which now has a name) and/or give them a "gift" (they have clever little "gifts" you can pick out to send such as ice cream treats and soccer balls...they're stupid).

In case you're waiting for the part where you finally get to see the person behind the dot, you'll be waiting a while. Or at least until you decide that it's perfectly reasonable to go meet this dot in person. And you're smarter than that, Reader. You're better than that.

Verdict? This app sucks.

Boooooo.

Posted by Havilah

According to a recent infographic created by Online University, some of us (me) have been doing the online dating thing entirely wrong. According to their (factually questionable) number crunching, I have a better chance of finding love by entering the realm (yes, realm) of World of Warcraft. WoW. No, but seriously, wow.

This infographic is super cool, though. So I kind of don't care if the number aren't entirely accurate. I don't even care if they're entirely inaccurate. It's fucking neat, Readers, just look! It moves!

Also, World of Warcraft is currently free to new users for the first 20 levels, so...I'm just saying....

Posted by Havilah

Today's Daily Duo, OctoMom and Ew, is hard to look at, most of us wish we didn't know them at all and they're kind of in an unhealthy relationship in some ways (Ew can be very controlling), but that doesn't mean we shouldn't still salute them for sticking it out with each other out of love and a mutual respect for grossness.

The pair recently took their love to the public arena once again in the form of this not-really-nude photo for Closer Magazine (who gave them $10K for it). That's sweet. But honestly, this display is way less "Ew"-inducing than when OctoMom and Ew first came out to the world with their love. But I shouldn't belittle what they have going on now. Relationships can't always maintain that initial "wow" factor, you know? Not that they fizzle out, they just become something new and sometimes it's maybe a little more tame or mature than what they once were.

Ew.


Posted by Havilah

Let's give a big sarcastic round of slow claps for the parents of Old Colorado City children. Why? Because they ruined Christmas. Well, technically, they ruined the Easter egg hunt, but I think it goes without saying they most likely have ruined Christmas at least one year (if they haven't yet, they will).

Last year, the parents in Old Colorado City just couldn't let their chirrenz fend for themselves in the hunt. One parent crossed the rope - which the parents are meant to stay behind - in order to give his/her kid some help. Well, obviously the other parents weren't going to let that kid have anything their kid didn't have, so they all fucking bum-rushed the hunting grounds. Since eggs are traditionally "hidden" where any non-blind person with an understanding of what eggs look like could find them (on the ground and behind/under nothing) the hunt was over in like zero and a half minutes.

So, the children are now being punished for the misdeeds of their fuck-up parents by having no egg hunt this year.

And that is wrong.

These are most likely the same parents who can't be fucked to tell their kids what gay is. But they have all the time/energy in the world to take their kids to a pagan celebration (don't get heated, Catholic Reader, just look it up) and then stomp all over their fun with their heavy handed, selfish parenting.

Posted by Havilah

Jenna Talackova, a transgender woman and formerly a candidate for Miss Universe Canada, has been politely told to fuck off and take her unnaturalness with her (they used different words, but it was the same message). National director of Miss Universe Canada Denis Davila says that Miss Universe rules state contestants must be a “naturally born female" and Jenna was disqualified because "she did not meet the requirements to compete". That's fucked up. But also, here's what, and I'll just say it: I want to see that shit in writing. I want to read the rule that states contestants must be "naturally born female". Yeah, I'm doing it, Readers, I'm saying I don't 100% believe Denis Davila. I'm not calling him a liar, but I am saying I want fucking proof. Cause that sounds to me like a fucking stretch. And guess what else, Denis. It's Miss fucking Universe. Change the fucking rules! Just change it! Just do it! The world will not crumble beneath your fuchsia Cole Haan topsiders (you know his ass wears them, you just know), the competition will still go on (but will be awesomer) and you'll be making a pretty cool and enlightened statement about how gender-fuck and transgender are not the same thing and that you and your organization acknowledge and respect this woman as a woman.

Until then, I hate you, Denis.

And your fucking ugly shoes. You just know he wears them.

Posted by Havilah

These were the words my very good friend said to me the other day at the bar. With spring making it's way in, he said it was time to prep for the Summer Jump Off Season aka  Your Summer Boo.

Now, I have heard of that term before, but just to be safe, I went to the urban dictionary for a specific definition. There were several:

1. a casual sexual partner or girlfriend 
2. a woman of dubious sexual practices 
3. anything new and/or hot; especially in reference to a party or material item 4. a mistress or a person that is usually only being used for sex while in marriage or serious relationship; The chick (or man) on the side.

My friend doesn't think of me as a homewrecker, so I will ignore definitions 2 and 4 and go with a casual sexual partner for the summer.

Ok...let's see...I think I can get into this. But exactly how does one go about getting one? Is there an application process: "Summer Jump Off Wanted: Apply Within". Another friend suggested going into the "Oldie but Goodie" list and see if a previous sexual partner might want to jump back into rotation...with no strings attached.

I'm confused. How will it be different than the tactics I have been trying to use to get a "boo" in general...besides the whole this is just a casual thing definition? I mean if I want someone to be a regular jumpoff---doesn't that require some type of commitment? Therefore negating the whole jumpoff definition in the first place??

His answer: "Get a stable of jumpoffs"
A list, if you will, of people on call..so that if one is busy, you can jump off to the next.

My reply: "Then I might feel like a ho. Casual sex with one person maybe two seems ok..but a stable of guys? Not sure I can juggle all of that."

His reply: "Ok..then I got it! Get a L.I. Jump Off. A Long Island guy who probably doesn't have a lot of shit going on, is kind of far away where it won't be too clingy, but still close enough to come running quick when you have a call."

So apparently I have to go to Long Island. Or not. {Sigh}

xo,
Lisa Loveless

I just discovered this site, But You're Like Really Pretty, and I'm kind of obsessed with it. They have a hatred for KiKi and a love for Jon Hamm which is ludicrous, unjustified, misguided and out and out wrong, but otherwise I'm seriously into their shit. Basically they make pretty fantastic comics using images of celebrities and other pop-culturally significant types (IE: Abbey Lee Miller, awesome). They run heavy on quotes from "Mean Girls" which is one of my all time favorite movies as far as awesome displays of bitchery go, so I fully salute them for that shit. That movie can never be appreciated and/or quoted enough for my taste.

Posted by Havilah